I just had the urge to get away from all those assignments that are still staying still in my documents. I don’t have the mood to continue crapping about it. It gets tired.
Unknowingly and suddenly I’ve hit the whoo-whaa age that is most talk about among my friends. Your officially O-L-D and you are now eligible to be called an aunt.
Somehow this year seems to be the same like how all other years felt like. I was happy at first, and gloomy when its coming to an end. Maybe its those menstrual system problem. Gah, who cares.
thinking back what i had done during my life of living on this piece of green yet turning yellowish land for twenty one years. i’ve reallly had no idea. it was a mixture of so many types of feelings. I don’t even remember how was my childhood life like. All i could remember was that i participate in some toddler kindergarden concert, and got Super Ring junkie as my consolation price. I still ponder who is that little boy that was my partner for that umbrella dance. It was nostalgic, what i can feel it was plain black and white image.
then it comes my teeny-bopper era, where there are times when i’m a huge fan of Westlife, Backstreet Boys, Spices Girls, F4, Kylie Minogue and etc. Those were the times when my square box would be fill with poster hung on the wall and stick with tonnes of photo, sticker and god-knows-what. A period of my life when familiy is not on my top priority list, where no matter what happen FRIENDS comes first. I still remember i was sort of rebellious especially when it comes to the big L. My mum was exceptionally cool at that time, she knows what i like, what kind of artist am i favouring and raving about. She was like my best friend yet like most teenage slut would do, I took it for granted. I thought it was suppose to be that way, her trying hard to communicate with me. It was also a time where I know that if i were to work hard for something i wanted very badly, it would come to me gradually. but yet, I think now i forgotten the method. I don’t take things seriously anymore. i’m turning into some clown. I still remember how i was following those famous cool things that people should and must do during those time, you know. Shoes that has a 4 inch wood below it, straightening ur hair, drawing tattoo on ur hands during classes, using those very cool school bags, and loads of shits that i’ve lost memory of.
But i think i do remember one of my crushes back in those days, it’s seven or eight years back. i’ve this huge crush at a guy called Justin. somehow most of my schoolmates back then knows about it. Thus, it was that close that the guy knows i had a crushed on him. but nothing turns out thought because eventuallly i was da-bao-ed and placed at Korek Lubang. there ain’t fruitful thing happen between me and that Justin guy but for sure, he was one hot-looking hunk. Yet, right now i try to squeeze my walnut brain to think of what he looks like, ……. I get no image processed. There goes my puppy-crushy-lovey-eray.
Life at Korek Lubang, was just alright but full of many obstacles that nearly throw me into the black dungeon. I think it was one of those moments that i had the most lowest downpoint of my life. My familiar background was suddenly scattered everywhere, I had loved and yet un-loved. I was having a hard time coping with the hustling city again. I would always questioned myself, is that really what i wanted? am i doing the right choice? Somehow till today i still wonder how i manage to go through that period of my life. Like the philosopher says, you must hit rock bottom first, before you know how excellent life should be.
Relationship between the special ones were all either i was serious, or things wasn’t going the way i think it should have been. Most of the time was because i could bear the annoymous pressure that i had to let the kite fly away yet again. but then again, there was still this particular one that it just needs to be let go, nothing could be done to make it stay with me. Its been so many years, yet something i still wonder. What would happen if i still hang in there? Would things turn out okay? Can I accept it myself? somehow, i would never have the answers for all this question marks. Then slowly, i started to mend those lousy doors that i was having. I started to take the whole thing seriously. That’s why till now, nothing comes my way because i’m setting the barrier too high up.
If one asks me, how does it feels like living for those period of lifes? I would say that it sucks big time because i have all those wonderful moments that money can’t buy and it could easily replace all those gloomy days i had. I remember laying above my car anticipating the curiousity to see shooting stars, and i did. Or having the satisfaction of obtaining something that i didn’t really thought i could have. and better still I have the most wonderful family and friends behind my back that i would know no matter what happen, i would always have someone to turn to.
I might not be some super glamarous homo sapiens in the world, but i think i’ve one of the most wonderful experience and moments that one could wish for. Having breakfast at a place so far away that only plane could get there, kissed during the sunrise, going for some solo travelling, having the coolest family and craziest friends. 🙂 this are all those things that I had that nothing could replace it.
It is priceless.