Am feeling extremely numb right now. i didn’t know that i was this selfish and childish.
just because someone came into my comfort zone unknowingly, i felt that my secure compound had been vandalized. no matter how i tried to act as if nothing happen. i know i’m just cheating myself.
at times i wonder, why can’t i just voice out what i feel even if it was towards the relation that was closest to my heart. i think i was too used to being the only type of person in the closet. right now by having another photocopy of me felt like my position in the closet was deeply affected. it was only till now that i know how insecure i was. how by just being the sole person in the closet make me felt as if i was in a position of infinity. but when another person came by i was deeply shattered.
even the some of those in the closet knows that i was deeply affected. by showing his love towards me i felt touched. but i was still deeply saddened. i want to erase all these mixture complication feelings that i am having. i want to be a person in the closet that doesn’t exist the jealosy, selfishness and childishness. being in the closet should be where i felt more of being me instead of wearing this particular mask that shouldn’t have gotten in it at the first place.
i tried to run away from all this mess. go somewhere where i could have the whole zone towards myself. even if i want to cry, shout or brawl. there wasn’t anyone around that make me hesitant a little at all.
it’s getting hard to breathe in here.