Sometimes out of the blue, i felt very much left out among my friends. I know I’ve got no one to blame but myself. In one nanoseconds, i really felt like doing things the harsh way. Throwing my resignation letter to my boss and just let my father know my naive-ness has choose to strike me. Thus, i want to study back. but the reality always lets me know that if i were to study back, everything will be kind of tiring for both my parents. i don’t want it to be in the end, they quarrel thru phone telling all those mean things. Sometimes i just hope i could be a little selfish like my brother. Okay maybe my brother is not selfish, it’s just that he just dare to do what he thinks that’s good for him and his future. Right now I’m at a position where i can’t really see how my future lies for me. I don’t want to be a worried woman when i grow up. Worry about what would happen if i’m being fired, what would happen if i’m out of cashes before i strike 55. All these things already starts to make me felt worry. It’s not because that i don’t like my work. It’s just that i can’t see my future clearly. Everything seems so blur, it’s giving me some sort of pressure that’s so unbear-able.
I’m like draggingmyself to work nowadays. It’s turning out to be not fun. I remember my boss once told me that, if a person were to drag their body to work everyone, it’s showing the symptoms that things aren’t fun already.
I’m complaining. Yah, just bear with me. As i grow older, i tend to notice that i don’t want to be a little girl already. I don’t want to be the girl who will always turn to her family and friends for comfort whenever she felt unhappy. I just don’t felt like sharing my sadness. I know each and everyone had their own problems, mine just aren’t big deal to them. I assume this is what happen when peoples start to get into the working environment. You just don’t felt like whining anymore, because you know there is no ending for it.